There's Things You Don't See

So much rage and sadness directed at that one person who meant most in your life. Then she took it away in less than a minute. The person who knew who I was. The girl that would be there to talk and take my side no matter what, was gone. That safety I felt, gone. There's no where to turn. No one knows who I am under everything else. The stupid comments, the retarded humor, that plastered smile are but satires of what I hide behind my masquarade. She was my Daisey, my Shea, my best friend. Time heals all wounds well eternity better get cracking. I was led around in circles for six months. "I can't date until I'm sixteen because of my parents." Though it was more than a year away I was willing to wait if it meant that one day I could be with her. Now it's all to pieces. The smallest ray of hope crushed. If nothing she's thorough. And the worst part is no matter what she does I can't stop thinking about her. I loose focus on tests, get lost in the back of her head in class, and am visited in my dreams by her. When we danced and the world would disappear and it would just be us, forever. Thinking about her is like walking in a car crash, trying not to step on a million shards of glass, all the time dreading looking into the car to see the result.

I Hate it When She Cries

Today was the last performance of the Suessical the Musical performance at my school.  I was a Wickersham and she was the main character, the Cat in the Hat.  She played the part better than anyone I know could have, but that's not why I'm writing.  Everyone was emotional because this is the last year for the 8th graders cast members aren't going to be able to see each other as much.  She just pretended to cry during the play and that put me on edge, but when she actually cried in front of everyone else I got panicked.  I couldn't think straight I had this feeling like I was pushed up against the wall and I was helpless to do anything.  It was like the sound of nails on a chalkboard to me.  Her beautiful face contorted with sorrow pushed me over the edge.  Being an actor I remained composure but behind it I was roiling.  I wanted to cry or at least talk to her, but I couldn't do either of things cause I had to look tough for the first reason and I can't think straight when I'm near her so talking is pretty much out the window.  Basically she's my cryptonite.  I tried to get over her but I got shoved right down the emotional ladder, but this time they took away the ladder and replace it with an oil slicked poll...Good Luck getting over that.  I can't talk much about this to most of my friends becuase I feel weird confessing this.  So I'll give them the link and let them decide.

Life Sucks...More than Usual

Here we go more moaning and groaning from me.  Maybe it's just the fact that she rejected me but my crush has been even more beautiful lately and that sucks cause she's "not ready for a relationship."  It's probably a legite answer but I personally would have just like brutal honesty.  I hate being the funny guy everyone wants around until things get lovey dovey.  The worst part is it is February 13.  Tommorow is the biggest day for couples to get together and I have no plan to ask anyone out but I'm gonna heart the crap storm from other people.  On top of that I'm plowed with work for some reason now more than ever.  I missed Deadmau5's performance last night.  To top it all of I'm still bloody sick and got hit by a door that gave me a shiner.  So remember Valentine's day couples.  I'm cynical, lonely, and trying to get through the day.  FML, thank you for reading, murder is wrong, and I hopefully entertained you for 2 minutes.

Stress

I'm so stressed
Which I must confess
Is all on me
I don't wish it to be
But look where the chips fall
I'll just stand tall
And continue the Song
which was going all along
Let me play so I can feel
The courage to make a deal
And try my best
To withstand the test
For time is never on my side
But I will continue to ride
I Will Dream

Projects

I'm stressed but that's usual.  What is unusual is the amount of things that are stressing me.  In the next week I have to finish History Day, a project worth half my grade, and Science Fair, read the previous appositive phrase.  Basically they each require twenty hours of work but we weren't aloud to start until about twenty days before the due dates.  Some of you might think that's enough time but I procrastanate and this is the last week until they are both due.  FML.  On top of that I have to pack twice, once for my grandmother's because my parents are leaving for the week, and twice for the huge, freezing camping trip I'm going on this weekend where I lug a snowsled through the mud...cause it's too warm to snow.  Then I come back the night before I leave for the trip and I have to test for Science Fair when I get back and I just want to play Dungeon Defenders. 

Elle Fanning

This week I saw not one but two of this gorgeous girl's movies.  I don't know if it's just me but I feel like she's the best thing in movies since the main guy from Zombieland ((btw I know he's still around) Waiting for Zland 2 plz).  Anyway in Super 8, which I felt compelled to watch twice because of Elle, was absolutely astonishing.  Carey was my favortie supporting role, but that's just the part of me that likes to blow crap up.  Anyway I also saw the beautiful Fanning in the not so creatively name We Bought A Zoo, which I still enjoyed while being close to a half hour late (hurry up LensCrafter, and thank god for previews).  Elle Fanning has stolen the show and in my opinion the title of Best Actress.  Good Luck Elle, even though I know like six people are reading this.

Adsense Sucks

My youtube channel finally gets rolling with some ad money coming in, 10 subscribers, and close to 700 views.  Then I get an email stating invalid click activity by SOME GUY, has led them to ban my account and suspend all earnings from legite clicks.  Well I don't know about the other average middle class eigth graders but when they take away the money I can make by doing something I love, Ima get a little PMSy.  I'm not usually an enraged guy but when I saw this I literally stepped out into the 10 degree weather and threw snowballs at the neighbor's houses.  Post stressful outside encounter I proceeded to listen to altogether dark music and think of explicit dark poetry.  Maybe I'm overreacting but partnership is a long time away my friends.  Oh and I'm too lazy to make tags for this post, but I will anyway.